I'm very sorry that you never met your grandfather.
He was wonderful and I loved him dearly.
He was always sorry about the wrong choices he made when he was young, and carried the guilt and the hurt until he died.
In 1953, He, my mother and baby sister, Mary Ellen, stopped in Brewster, New York on their way to Niagra Falls.
Daddy wanted to make contact with his sons. They went to the parish rectory to get an address and telephone number.
The priest there told him that he would only cause shame and hurt and not to interfere now.
I wish that daddy had not listened to him and persued his reason for coming. But he did'nt, and left.

I was 23 years old when I found out that I had 2 brothers. I had 3 children by then. I had very mixed emotions when I was told this by Aunt Kathleen.
I was angry because I had lost an opportunity to know my brothers who were only 7 & 9 years older. At the same time,
I loved my dad so much, I could not imaging him leaving his 2 sons, but he did and no one will ever really understand and fully know the circumstances of that time.
I have heard lots of stories and reasons since, but that does not matter anymore. What does matter is that we are now in touch with each other.

When I was 23 and your Uncle Bill came to visit, I was elated. We had a good time and I really felt we could have some sort of relationship.
I wrote to him after he left, but my letter was returned and marked "Return to Sender". Whether he wrote that on the envelope, I really don't know.
I never saw him again until daddy died and he and your father came for his funeral. They both stayed with Ray and I and we had a wonderful visit.
I really hoped for more, but it was'nt to be. Your mother was very gracious and wrote every Christmas and sent us pictures of all of you.

Before daddy died, he did make 2 trips to Brewster to see your dad and mother. It was requested that he stay in a motel and he was not allowed to meet any of his granddaughters.
The reason stated for this was that your grandmother did not want anyone to know that she had previously been married and divorced.
Again, I had conflicting emotions of anger and regret. I wrote to your mom and dad at Christmas time with news of our family for several years,
but later decided to comply with their wishes and remain anomyous. I have thought about my nieces for many years.
I loved your dad and your uncle bill, even though I did'nt know them, and was very sorry when they died. I was sorry for the whole mess.

When I was very young, I came upon my dad in his bedroom and he was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he told me he had done something bad several years ago.
He was sorry about it but could'nt do anything about it now. I told him that I could not believe that he had done anything so wrong . . . I really worshipped the ground he walked on.

Your grandfather was one of the most intelligent men I have ever known.
He was only educated until the 8th grade, but was very knowledgeable in all areas, especially world history.
He loved to read and read many history books. He followed politics very closely. He loved Teddy Roosevelt and Truman and hated Nixon.
He was against organized religion. He had funny little prejudices; like men who were good dancers or men with large hips would never make good husbands.
He was very small in stature, but physically very strong. He was very opinionated and extremely proud.
He always respected my opinion and we could have long conversations, but not agree. I loved talking to him and bouncing my opinions and ideas off him. He was very loving and held me in his arms often.
I can remember him singing "Home On The Range" and "I'll Take You Home Again Kathleen" to me. I would always laugh, because he couldn't carry a tune.
He always told me that he was proud of me and would never let anyone say anything against me, even my mom.
He Came to all of my baseball and basketball games and took me to lunch every week until the day he died. He never laughed, but would chuckle once in a while.